Can One Person Save a Marriage?

When our marriage fell apart, the odds weren’t just against us. They were buried, suffocated, and on fire.

Nine and a half years of chaos.
Afairs.
Addiction.
Emotional shutdown.
And a moment where Adelé typed one question into Google—not because she was searching for hope, but because she didn’t believe there was any left:

Can one person save a marriage?

The answer surprised her.
And eventually, it rebuilt our entire life.

The Myth: “It Takes Two”

This phrase keeps many standing spouses stuck in despair.

Of course, long-term, healthy marriage takes two.
But saving a marriage—stopping the free-fall, shifting the dynamic, and laying the foundation for reconciliation—starts with one.

One person focusing on what they can control.
One person changing their internal world.
One person choosing to stop creating “purple.”

The Color Analogy That Changed Everything

For years, we interacted like this:

Blue (Ren) + Red (Adelé) = Purple
The worst version of us.
Toxic. Volatile. Exhausting.

But nothing changed until one of us changed color.

Adelé started her own transformation—slow, humble, deep, real.
Red softened toward orange, then peach, then yellow.

Ren stayed blue.
He didn’t want to change.
He didn’t even like yellow at first.

But yellow meeting blue doesn’t make purple.
It makes green… or orange… or anything but the poison we lived in.

One person changing their internal world shifts the entire dynamic.

Why Focusing on Your Spouse Doesn’t Work

For nine and a half years, Adelé pointed at everything Ren needed to fix.

Stop being blue.
Stop withdrawing.
Stop hurting me.
Stop failing.

None of it worked.

When Ren left, she had no choice but to focus on the only thing she actually had control over: herself.

What kind of woman do I want to be?
What spills out of me when life bumps me?
Am I safe?
Am I kind?
Am I forgiving?
Am I peaceful?

This shift changed everything.

What Spills Out of You When Life Bumps You?

One of our community members shared a picture:

If you’re carrying coffee and someone bumps you, coffee spills.
Not because they bumped you—because you were carrying coffee.

What spills out of you?
Anger? Fear? Desperation? Control?
Or peace, kindness, acceptance, confidence, safety?

This is why internal work matters.
Because real life bumps you.
Often.

Forgiveness and Acceptance: The Turning Points

Forgiveness wasn’t about Ren deserving it.
Acceptance wasn’t about agreeing with him.

Forgiveness was about who Adelé wanted to be.
Acceptance was about creating safety in a home that had none.

That safety became the very thing that brought Ren back.

The Hardest, Simplest Truth

Saving a marriage is simple.
But it is the hardest thing you will ever do.

You change your color.
You change your internal world.
You stop spilling out poison.
You build a foundation.

You commit to the journey even when your spouse doesn’t.

And the Reward?

We live in the reward.

And we say this with open hands:
We are not special.

Two broken people in South Africa with nothing but a decision.

If it can happen for us, it can happen for you.

Want to Walk This Journey With Us?

Join our Marriage Heroes community for WOMEN: https://community.renandadele.com/communities/groups/marriage-heroes/

Join our Marriage Heroes community for MEN: https://community.renandadele.com/communities/groups/marriage-heroes-for-men/

Book coaching with Ren: https://api.renandadele.com/widget/bookings/coach_ren

Book coaching with Adelé: https://api.renandadele.com/widget/bookings/coach_adele

One person can save a marriage.

And you don’t have to walk it alone.